Take Me Out to the Ball Game

It turns out there is one thing all the kids can agree on: FSU Baseball.

We’ve taken them to two games now, and they get more interested with each trip. At the FSU v. Va. Tech game (where this photo was taken), WE had to make THEM leave.

A few theories:

1. Kids love hats.

2. Kids love metal bleachers (CLANG CLANG CLANG).

3. Kids love scaring their parents by being oblivious when a fly ball comes RIGHT AT THEIR HEADS.

4. Maybe, just maybe, we’ve found something we can enjoy as a family.

And maybe next time we’ll let them get peanuts.

It’s getting better, all the time…

This was taken Saturday, at Tyler’s first soccer game of the season. Now, both Hollyn and Jensen have expressed an interest in playing, although of course their mother refuses to let them.

Jason was talking to Jensen this morning about something, and referred to  Hollyn and Tyler as “the other ones.”

“You know, dad,” she said, “You can call them siblings.”

Jensen and Tyler have made the most progress. Tyler accidentally calls Jason “Dad” on a weekly basis, and Jensen accidentally called me “Mama” on Saturday. This could get her in trouble, because her mother specifically inserted a paragraph in Jason’s marital settlement agreement which forbids their children from ever referring to me as “mother,” “mom,” “mommy,” or the like.

I love this picture. Hollyn is trying to be the grownup, Jensen is just happy and dirty, and Tyler’s being weird. On the way to soccer practice on Friday, he told me that they’d been checking the fire alarms at school.

“How might you know there’s a fire, if the fire alarms weren’t working?” I asked.

“You wouldn’t,” he replied.

“You wouldn’t see flames?”

“No.”

“You wouldn’t smell smoke?”

“No,” he said. “Everything would smell like bacon, and then you’d be dead.”

WGES

A couple of weeks ago, Tyler and some of his classmates were asked to read on the school’s morning news show. His class had collected coats for “Coats for Kids,” and had written notes to put in the pockets of the coats. The kids read their notes on-air.

Tyler’s note said, “I hope this coat keeps you all warm. Love, Tyler.”

He was way too excited to be on TV.

After he read his note, he hammed it up in fine style – waving, making faces, and generally being That Kid.

I don’t know why I’m surprised. This is the same child who got in trouble for doing the Worm during instructional time.

O Tannenbaum

Christmas is going to be rough. Neither Jason nor I have our children with us on Christmas Day (we did last year and will next year, never fear!). Rationally, I don’t know why it bothers me so much. I’m a grown-up, right? Rationally, I should be fine with this. It’s Just Another Day, Really.

My first Christmas after college, when I was a newspaper reporter in Panama City, I had to work Christmas Eve and the day after Christmas, so I couldn’t go home. I sat in my apartment and watched a “Trading Spaces” marathon (hey, it was 2002) and cooked a little bit. And it was Just Another Day. But this is different.

Jason and I are going to my mom’s house for Christmas, and my brother is flying down from New York. When my father was alive, he would deck the halls. Anything that would stand still was covered in tinsel or shiny balls. The man LOVED Christmas. My mom refuses to decorate. And this is her first Christmas without her mother (my grandmother) around to tell us what to do celebrate with us.

Let me revise my first statement: Christmas Day is going to be rough. The whole season won’t be ruined by one day. How can it be, when I still get moments like this:

Camper

Camper is the mascot of Tyler’s kindergarten class. He is sent home with a different child each week, and the child is supposed to create a photo-narrative of the week with Camper.

Camper came to our house last week. Hooo, boy. It was very difficult to keep from photographing Camper next to a bottle of gin, or passed out on the bathroom floor, or getting a tattoo.

On Friday, Camper had lasagna with us.

Tyler thought this was an excellent way to carry camper around and show him the house. Have you ever seen a teddy bear throw up? I hadn’t either.

After all that, Camper needed coffee by Sunday morning. Mama shared.

Too many biscuits, Camper.

It’s Hard to be Five

Tyler is the youngest child in his class. He is also one of the brightest children in his class. This contrast has been the source of mucho frustration at our house since he started school in August. From the beginning, his teacher has told me that he’s so very smart that he can “get by” without really paying attention, and instead fidgets, wiggles, and tries to entertain the other kids.

But his “getting by” includes perfect (or near-perfect) scores on every test he takes.

His teacher uses a green-yellow-red system for behavior. Tyler usually has a mix of greens and yellow, with an occasional red day. Since he enjoys attention, it’s common for him to get on yellow for entertaining his buddies. But two weeks ago he had a string of three red days in a row.

I didn’t know what to do. Wednesday night I yelled, I threatened, I took away privileges, I promised him steak dinner if he could behave on Thursday. We went to the bookstore and got a copy of “It’s Hard To Be Five” and read it twice. And when he got into the car Thursday afternoon? ANOTHER RED.

I gave him oatmeal for dinner at 5:30 and put him in the bathtub. After he got out and I was drying him off, I really looked at him. He looked so small, so vulnerable, and so sad. I started crying. He started crying. We hugged, I wrapped him up in a towel and pulled him on my lap, and we wept together. I put him in bed at 7:00 (his usual bedtime is 8:00) and, for the first night in his life, I didn’t lay down with him and snuggle. I think that was the worst punishment I could have concocted. He pulled the covers over his face as tears leaked from his eyes. It broke my heart. I wanted so very badly to take it all back.

Since that night, he has been on green every single day.

Did I do the right thing? I don’t know. But it appears to have been effective. I didn’t spank Tyler. I didn’t throw things. I took a lot of deep breaths.  I don’t know that I should have let him see me crying over this, but I don’t know that it was a terrible thing, either. Maybe that made him realize how important this is to me.

On Wednesday, Tyler’s father and I sat down with the teacher and the guidance counselor to discuss Tyler’s behavior problems. At that point, he’d been on green three days, after being on red three days. We all agreed to test Tyler for the gifted program. Both the teacher and the guidance counselor were impressed with my choice to get the “It’s Hard to be Five” book. They were not impressed with Tyler’s father’s approach to discipline, which apparently involves a stern lecture in the car on the way to school.

I recommend the book – especially for boys. The pictures on the front and back inside covers are worth the cover price. On Friday Tyler’s teacher invited me to come read the book to the whole class.

The Reckoning

My ex-husband refused to let me talk to my son on my birthday.

You’ll hear more about him later, but suffice it to say that if he wasn’t already at the top of my bleep list, he’d be there now.

In happier news, Tyler finally got his soccer trophy on Saturday:

His life is complete.

The Aftermath

Forty-seven percent of Americans woke up disappointed this morning.

I woke up disappointed, not because of the national election, but because of the passage of Amendment 2 here in Florida. It says:

“Inasmuch as marriage is the legal union of only one man and one woman as husband and wife, no other legal union that is treated as marriage or the substantial equivalent thereof shall be valid or recognized.”

If people were really so concerned about the “sanctity” of marriage, they’d work to restrict/abolish divorce, and I say that as a divorced person. This country faces many challenges right now, and it seems silly to spend so much legislative energy worrying about people who want to create stable long-term relationships. I am especially disheartened by those voters in California and Florida who voted solidly for “change” in the form of Obama, yet rejected “change” in the form of gay and lesbian families.

As Jason and I move forward in creating our family, I am humbled by how easy it will be for us – no one will question the rightness or quality of our relationship when we apply for a marriage license. No one will call our family unnatural. No one will tease our kids (well, not for that, at least).

The Early Show

Since the children don’t do Daylight Savings Time, everyone in our house was awake at 6:45 Sunday morning. Jason and I figured we’d make the most of it and took the kids to the early church service, at 8:15.

The service is held in the music room, and you sit on the squeakiest. chairs. ever. I couldn’t breathe without making noise. However, because the chairs were on risers, Tyler got a good view of the whole service. Apparently he’s never paid attention during Communion, but when the minister raised the cup, he exclaimed, “THE HOLY GRILL!”

If only, my son. If only.

Here’s the story…

Of a lovely lady, who was bringing up one very lovely boy:

He had hair of gold, like his mother (once upon a time!), but no curls.

Here’s the story, of a man named Jason, who was busy with two girls of his own:

They were three folks, living all together, yet they were all alone.

Till the one day when the lady met this fellow:

And they knew it was much more than a hunch,

That this group would somehow form a family……eventually.