Four out of Five Divorce Experts Agree…..

Divorce experts (and non-experts! and anyone with a lick of common sense!) stress the importance of not using your children for information about your ex.

Here’s why.

This is a text conversation between Hollyn and her mother, from Saturday. What Hollyn didn’t know is that because she used Jason’s ID to download her texting app, copies of all her texts were sent to his phone.

Texts 3

To be fair, Allison did not directly ask about my medical condition – however, once Hollyn said something, Allison began pumping her for information. Also, Hollyn told us that her mother had been speculating about the cause for my unexpected surgery since Thursday – which is why Hollyn was confirming rather than informing.

Texts 2

Delete all of this. I’m no family therapist, but I’m pretty sure that instructing your children to cover up conversations with you is never, ever OK. Hollyn did delete the texts – she said she was “just doing what I was told.” Just following orders, sir!

Texts 1

When Jason picked Hollyn up from Carly’s, she lied to him about the conversation – lied to his face! – because her mother told her to.

The right thing for Allison to do, when Hollyn said, “it was a miscarriage,” would have been to say “I’m sorry,” and move on. But, of course, Allison is not sorry. She’s thrilled.

We spent the rest of the weekend having several long, hurt, tearful conversations with Hollyn. We have taken away her iPod – partly to punish her for lying, but also to limit Allison’s access to Hollyn, and by extension, our home. They continue to talk on the phone daily, but can no longer text each other.

It is an imperfect solution to a problem that has been going on for six years, and which shows no sign of improving in the near future.

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3 Comments

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3 responses to “Four out of Five Divorce Experts Agree…..

  1. Lisa

    Sometimes there is just nothing nice to say about ex-spouses, especially how they use their kids. Maybe she’ll have a flat tire today. Oops! Sorry.

  2. Quyen

    That’s awful, Windy. I have to say that I’m sorry for her as a human being–how sad for her that she has to resort to telling her own children to lie.

  3. Pingback: It’s the Small Things. | House Blend

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